Grace is for Women too!
But unfortunately, the Church, as a whole, is still in the dark ages where marriage is concerned. Because of legalistic traditions and teachings (such as the infamous marriage "umbrella"), many Christian women find themselves held captive in the bondage of the Old Covenant Law. I want to take a look at some of the familiar verses that some churches preach concerning women, only this time through the eyes of grace.
Do you see how love and submit basically mean the same thing?
1 Here’s the first verse:
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18 KJV)
Modern translations have actually changed the phrase “help meet” to “helpmate” or even “helper.” That sounds like Eve was created for the purpose of helping Adam, like a servant. But these translations are wrong...
As an example of one counterpart that helps another, think of your right leg. It looks a little different than your left, yet you need both legs to walk and balance the body. The right leg is opposite yet equal to your left leg.
Kenegdow, (counterpart), conveys the meaning "opposite yet equal.” Ezer kenegdow, then, would mean "help that is opposite yet equal."
As ezer kenegdow, Eve was Adam's equal partner. What was she created to help Adam do? Let's look at Genesis chapter 1:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over … every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (Gen 1:27-28 KJV)
From these verses, we can tell that God considers both man and woman to be “mankind.” There were no marital "roles" for Adam and other marital "roles" for Eve. They both had the exact same blessings and the exact same responsibilities. In God's eyes, Adam and Eve were both equally human.
At this point in their marriage, no one ruled over anyone else. Eve wasn't created to serve Adam...
she wasn't created to help Adam be all that he was intended to be...
she wasn't created to help Adam wash his dishes, or cook his meals, or wash his clothes ....
That wasn't her purpose at all.
Or, more accurately, like members of a team, Adam and Eve were designed to help each other rule the world.
2 Here’s the second verse that I want to look at through the eyes of grace:
thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16 KJV)
After the fall, the marriage of Adam and Eve changed entirely. They were no longer partners. They were no longer equal. Adam became Eve’s ruler, and Eve became Adam's servant.
Fortunately, though, for women in Christ, this curse and every other curse was destroyed by the precious blood of Jesus!!!
Peter calls women “heirs together of the grace of life,” (1 Peter 3:7 KJV), which means that in Christ, women are set free of every curse and are heirs to every promise!!!
Because of the blood of Jesus, the master/servant model of marriage has been destroyed. Men and women are equal once again: equal in status, equal in blessings, and equal in ruling authority over the devil!
Throughout the Bible, whenever slavery (where one person "rules" over another) is mentioned, it is always a curse- never a blessing.
3 Here’s the third set of verses I want to look at through the eyes of grace:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church … Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church (Eph 5:22-26 KJV)
I don’t think He meant it like most people think He meant it.
When I taught preschool, I discovered that kids argue- a lot!! And it was my job to teach them how to share, how to take turns.
Later, when my own kids argued, I would put them on the “friendship bench” and tell them they could get up whenever they could “work it out.”
Never once did I ever tell my daughters to “submit” to their brothers. Never once did I encourage the boys to “demand” their own way. I just told them to sit there and talk about it until they could work it out.
They would talk for a few minutes, negotiate on how to take turns, and get up and go back to playing. They were kids, and yet they figured it out.
Let's look at these verses on love and submission through the eyes of grace, remembering that the master/servant curse was broken at the cross.
The Greek word for submit is formed by two root words: “under,” and “to arrange.” (Strong,1983)
Submit, then, means to “arrange your needs and desires under someone else’s needs and desires.” As Paul wrote in Philippians 2:4, “each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.” (WEB)
The definition of love, of course, is found in 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul says that love is patient, kind, and does not demand its own way (1 Corinthians 13:4,5 TLB)… if you aren't demanding your own way, then you must be placing someone else's desires over your own.
Do you see how love and submit basically mean the same thing?
In some verses, wives are told to submit to their husbands, but in others, all Christians are told to submit to each other.
Likewise, in some verses, husbands are told to love their wives, but in others, all Christians are told to love each other.
Even though Paul doesn’t tell wives to love their husbands, I think it’s safe to assume that wives should love their husbands. After all, as Christians, they still have to obey the command to “love one another.”
In the same way, even though Paul doesn’t tell husbands to submit to their wives, I think it’s equally safe to assume that as Christians, they should submit to their wives- as Christians, they still have to obey the command to “submit to one another.”
In a healthy marriage, submission (arranging your needs under someone else's needs) will be mutual and voluntary. Wherever submission becomes one sided or forced, it's no longer submission but slavery, oppression, abuse.
In a healthy marriage, submission (arranging your needs under someone else's needs) will be mutual and voluntary. Wherever submission becomes one sided or forced, it's no longer submission but slavery, oppression, abuse.
Like any healthy friendship, a healthy marriage will have an atmosphere of mutual love, mutual respect, and mutual submitting to each other’s needs.
Paul's choice of words in Ephesians 5 is also very interesting to me. He says, "the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." (Ephesians 5:23 NIV)
Notice that Paul didn't say, "the husband is the head of the wife" and stop there. In his day, everybody knew that the husband was the head of the wife. That was the obvious, unfortunate curse that came into the world as a result of Eve's sin. But that's not what Paul said. He said, "the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." (NIV) This is an important distinction.
What if Paul, in calling husbands to be the "heads as Christ is the head of the church," was calling on men to shatter the culture of the day that treated women as possessions. What if Paul was calling the men to lead the world in declaring that the curse of Eve had been broken by the cross and that women are now to be treated as equals, co-heirs of the promises and blessings of God?
This curse had just been broken a few years earlier, and maybe the church was slow to catch on. Maybe they needed a reminder, and maybe that's why Paul said, (and I'm going to paraphrase here) "Christian husbands, don't be the heads of your wives like the rest of the world is. Don't be the heads like the Jewish Law says to be heads. Don't be the heads like you used to be. Instead, be a different kind of head now. Be the heads like Jesus is the head to you... we're not his servants anymore. Because of the cross, He now calls us friends. In the same way, your wife is no longer your servant. Because of the cross, she's now your friend. Treat women like you know the curse has been broken."
King Solomon showed this submissive love to his wife when he knocked at her door and she turned him away. Instead of demanding his own way, Solomon selflessly turned and quietly left. No demanding his own way, no “pulling rank,” no raging. Submissively, he put her wishes before his. He was the "head" by loving his wife the way that Jesus loves...
he was patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. He did not demand his own way. (See 1 Cor 13:4) (TLB)
Not surprisingly, his wife loved him dearly for it. (see Song of Solomon, chapter 5)
King Lemuel married a Godly, intelligent woman who pursued many interests during her lifetime. She looked at fields and bought them, designed and sewed clothes, sold merchandise, managed servants, raised her kids, gave to the poor, planted vineyards and taught people wisdom. Lemuel didn’t force her to do any of these things.
He simply praised her for following her God given desires and talents. He, also, was the "head" by loving his wife the way Jesus loves. He was respectful to his wife, considerate of her needs, and proud of her talents. She, in return, loved him and did him "good and not harm all the days of his life." (see Proverbs 31 NIV)
Nabal, however, was a bully husband. David helped Nabal by guarding his home and his sheep. But when David asked Nabal for some sheep for himself and his men to eat, Nabal hurled insults at David and refused his request. Later that night, he was so proud of himself for proving his dominance over David that he threw a party and celebrated his “victory.”
As we read his story, we see that Nabal was the kind of man who got pleasure in intimidating people and making them back down. There was no reasoning with the man. Even his own wife, Abigail couldn’t talk sense to him. (see 1 Sam 25:17)
A servant told Abigail what had happened, and she secretly gathered up lots of food and went to David. She apologized to David for her husband’s behavior, and stopped David from killing all the men in her household.
Nabal felt that he could lord over everyone else, including David, his servants, and his wife. He was the "head" as in master, boss. But did Abigail love her husband? Did she respect and appreciate him for his ability to provide for the family? No… this Godly woman called her husband a fool and a wicked man.(NIV)
And how did God feel about Nabal’s behavior? Ten days after his encounter with David, the Lord “struck him and he died.” (1 Samuel 25:38 NIV)
4 The fourth set of verses I want to look at through the eyes of grace:
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. (1 Timothy 2:12-15 KJV)
It’s interesting that Paul, who in Galatians tells us that…
“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law” (Gal 3:13 NIV)
and ...“the law has become our tutor to bring us to Christ … But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor” (Gal 2:24,25 WEB)
and ... if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law (Gal 5:18 WEB)
and now... “ there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:28 WEB)
…would now tell certain Pastors that because of Eve’s curse, they must keep their women silent and under obedience… “as also saith the law.” (1 Cor 14:6 KJV) It’s almost like Paul is using a little sarcasm to jolt them back into grace.
It’s as though he’s saying, “look, pastor, I can see you have made the choice to put your congregation back under legalism. And that’s your choice to make. However, I need to remind you that once you follow one law, you’ve obligated yourselves to follow all the laws. (see Galatians 5:3 and James 2:10) And the Law says women should keep silent...
So you make sure to silence your women, since you want to be under the law.”
But, he also points out, and I love this, “we have no such custom.” (1 Cor 11:16 KJV)
In Philippians 4, we read about Euodia and Syntyche, Paul’s co-laborers in the gospel- both of them women!
In Romans 16, Paul commends a woman named Phebe, a servant (deaconess, teacher, minister…) who conducted business for the church!
Paul goes on to talk about Priscilla, co-host of a church in her home, Junia, a prisoner for Christ who was also “of note among the apostles,” and finally, Mary, Tryphena, Tryphosa, and Persis, all women who labored in the Lord!
These Christian women were not silent. Christians didn’t get thrown in jail for keeping quiet; if Junia was a prisoner for Christ then she was anything but silent!
Church, if we silence our women, then we put them back under the curse.
I think that the devil has allowed these verses about women to get all twisted because if he can keep the women silent and depressed, well, then, he’s taken out half the Lord’s army.
Martin Luther loved the book of Galatians- he read it over and over again because he was fighting the legalistic church leaders of his day and he needed to know grace inside and out. Galatians gave him the strength to stay free.
We need modern day Martin Luther’s who will stand behind their pulpits with the book of Galatians, reopen those heavy prison doors, and set the women free!
For more verses on women, see Can Women be in Ministry?
References
Bible Hub (Ed.). (n.d.). Interlinear Bible. Bible Hub. Retrieved February 16, 2022, from https://biblehub.com/interlinear/genesis/2.htm
Strong, James. Strongs Exhaustive Concordance: Showing Every Word of the Text of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurrence of Each Word in Regular Order, Together with Dictionaries of the Hebrew and Greek Words of the Original, with References to the English Words. Baker Book House, 1983.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
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